Saturday, October 18, 2008

Passionate Relationship vs. Compassionate Relationship

Now this here, this is an interesting topic. One that we decided to debate in Psychology yesterday. Well, we did the debate, and there was a fair bit that I did not get to put out there, so, I'll put it on here.

Here were the 'pros' to the passionate relationship:
  • There is no commitment; no relationship, thus no strings attached, fun, and provides excitement
  • Most times it leads to a future relationship/better relationship

Okay, now it's time for me to debunk those.

1) Read Exodus 22:16:
16 "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.
So, to have sex outside of marriage means that they have to be married. So, rather than "no strings attached", I think it's "We're attaching all the strings now". And really, as far as excitement goes, why do you need to have sex before hand. Why can't you do that when you're married? No other creature in the wild has sex just for fun. Its purpose is to produce offspring, with the exception of a few species that do it just cause (humans, a type of whale, and a type of monkey or ape). Really, are you ready to have a child? I don't think so, not in high school. And if you're out and you want one, adopt! There are lots of children in need.

2) How on earth can it lead to future relationships? It, in no way can't, at least not without sex being the focus of the entire relationship. I just can't fathom how this is an argument, and have absolutely no idea how to argue such a ridiculous notion.

The cons to a passionate relationship:
  • Sexually Transmitted Diseases
  • Loss of virginity
  • ...and lots of other things
1) Well this one is simple. If you had only one partner, STD's would be limited to blood transfer. AIDS, Genital Herpes, and most others would be almost non-existant.

2) Most people think this is great, for some wacked reason. It's not. Imagine being able to tell your future wife that you held out for her. It just shows that you cared. It isn't something that should just be thrown away.

3) According to 1Corinthians 6:9,10,18,19:

9Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

According to the Bible, you shouldn't be able to get to heaven even. We know that sins are forgiven through Christ, but they are that sever that this would be in there. Or how about Hebrews 13:4:

4Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Again, the Bible says that it should not just be thrown around as if it were dust. Sex was meant to be in marriage only. Or lastly, how about 1 Corinthians 6:12,13:

12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. 13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality.
This is saying that just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should. (Look up "Doug eats dirt" by Everybodyduck). It's also saying that unlike food, where you can say you eat to live then live to eat, our bodies were not meant for impure sex (aka premarital sex).

Now, lots of people seem to think that a compassionate relationship is not the way to go. Here were the listed 'cons' of a compassionate relationship:
  • Boring; makes people cheat
  • Leading cause of divorce
1) Well, some people think it's boring because all they want to do is have sex. If that's all that you can focus on in a relationship, you'll be going nowhere fast. It shouldn't be boring. You don't find hanging out with your best friend boring. I am also pretty sure you're not having sex with them either. If, according to others, a relationship is supposed to be about 'good sex', then it is a poor relationship. It's supposed to be focused around that person being your best friend, then the sex happens, after you're married, to show how much that you care for each other. It's one of God's gifts, but only to be shared with one person, inside of marriage.

2) I found sound leading causes of divorce, here we go. (Original):
  1. Money
  2. Alcohol
  3. Sexual Problems
  4. Immaturity
  5. Jealousy
  6. Hollywood Ideas
  7. In-laws
  8. Irresponsibility
As you can see, the leading causes of divorce are money and alcohol problems. And chances are that you're going to cheat on your wife if you don't value sex as something special. Which also brings something to think about. If sex isn't important, why does one's spouse get mad if you sleep with someone else? Chew on that.

Now, for some pros to a compassionate relationship:
  • They are your best friend
  • There is no unrealistic bar set; no pressure
  • Proves ones willpower
  • Is a great way to start off by giving something to the love of your life, rather than some girl at a party.
1) They are your best friend. You can talk to them about anything, which is how it should be. If you're spending the rest of your life with them, then you definitely need this.

2) By not "setting a bar" from a previous sexual relationship, you are not 'rating' them on how good they are. Also, by not comparing them, you are showing acceptance as to who they are.

3) It shows that you have the willpower to resist one of the biggest temptations that have been around since the beginning of time.

Anyhow, that's my argument on why a compassionate relationship is better than a passionate.

1 comment:

Rob Hainstock said...

Adam, I am in awe of your grasp of this concept, and can see that your mother and father did something right while raising you. I hope you dont mind, but i would like to post a link to your blog on mine